{"id":5293,"date":"2026-07-06T22:25:04","date_gmt":"2026-07-06T20:25:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/?p=5293"},"modified":"2026-07-06T22:25:04","modified_gmt":"2026-07-06T20:25:04","slug":"frusztralt-tinik","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/frusztralt-tinik\/","title":{"rendered":"That\u2019s why frustrated pre-teens feel the need to \u201emisbehave\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"

Why is misbehaviour important to pre-teens, and how can we support them in this in a socially acceptable way?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Regardless of age, every age group has its own set of problems. A young child can be just as frustrated as a teenager or an overworked adult. It is simply the source of stress that differs. Just as the causes of frustration vary from age group to age group, so do the coping strategies. That is why it is important to provide our children with appropriate opportunities to express their inner conflicts and process their experiences. To do this, however, we need to be aware of what works for them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stressed teenagers<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

As adults, many of us laugh when we hear that a young teenager is stressed. We think: \u201eCome on, what sort of difficulties could a teenager possibly have?\u201d Yet their lives are not without stress either. It\u2019s just that the sources of their inner conflict are different from ours. For them, it\u2019s not yet a matter of earning a daily living or organising the logistics of family life. Instead, they have to live up to a whole host of expectations in order to gain the approval of their parents, teachers and peers. All this whilst they do not yet truly know themselves. They are pulled in one direction one moment, and another the next. All this causes serious inner conflict within their souls. But how can they resolve these tensions?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Various solvents<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

<\/span> Different age groups use different methods to relieve their inner tensions. Because of their limited communication skills, young children are unable to express their pent-up emotions verbally, so they act them out through play. We adults, at best, ring a friend and talk things through or work off our tension through exercise; at worst, we drown our intense emotions in smoking, alcohol or overeating.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But what means does a young teenager have to do this? How does a child relieve their stress when they\u2019re not yet allowed to use bad language or be disrespectful, can\u2019t spend hours chatting on their phone, can\u2019t smoke, can\u2019t drink, and can\u2019t just pop round to their friends\u2019 houses? What opportunities do we provide for them?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But being naughty is important!<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

<\/span> Just think about how nice it is, as an adult, not to have to please someone all the time. That there are one or two places where we can behave however we like. Where we can swear, smoke, leave a mess, dress like a tramp, and start the meal with dessert. It\u2019s a breath of fresh air sometimes, isn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even younger children have more opportunities to misbehave than teenagers. On the one hand, because we\u2019re still willing to let them get away with it \u2013 they\u2019re still learning \u2013 and on the other, because we often can\u2019t stop them. They still shout, bite, lash out, make a mess, get everything sticky, splash water everywhere, scribble on the walls if you\u2019re not watching them, and they certainly won\u2019t share. They\u2019re exhausting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a different story with teenagers. We have a very long list of expectations for them. They\u2019re expected to \u201ebehave\u201d, share, speak politely, obey, keep things tidy, not make a mess whilst eating, remember things and take responsibility for them. We\u2019re quick to frown at them if they drag their feet, splash water about, forget their PE kit, giggle in class, or don\u2019t use a toy as intended. After all, \u201ethey should know better\u201d and \u201ethey\u2019re old enough\u201d. Yet it\u2019s important to be naughty! Good manners require sufficient self-control. In order to be able to behave ourselves in front of others, we need a place where we don\u2019t have to behave. A place where we don\u2019t have to conform to social expectations, but are given the opportunity to be ourselves, to express our own desires, and to let off steam. Because it feels good not to behave sometimes! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Who am I?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Teenagers are still finding their feet, trying to get to know their changing bodies and minds. To understand our own limits, we need to test ourselves here and there. We need to experience how it makes us feel when we swear, when we dress up, when we prepare for a competition, when we make a mess, and when we fail. And it is parents who are best placed to provide the right environment for these discoveries. A child who has spent their entire youth conforming to the strict expectations set by their parents enters the adult world without really knowing themselves. As a result, they will either be afraid to try things out for themselves and become a \u2018safe player\u2019 who lives by other people\u2019s rules without taking any risks, or the exact opposite: they can\u2019t wait to finally be free from having to follow rules, so they can try everything, even to the point of self-destruction. Just look around at how many lost young adults there are out there who don\u2019t know what they want from life, because they don\u2019t know what they\u2019re actually good at\u2026 Adolescence is a brilliant opportunity for them to test their limits in a safe environment, but it\u2019s up to us, as parents, to provide that support.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Along borders<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Of course, this does not mean that we should give them completely free rein and let them do as they please. They are still not old enough to properly assess the risks involved in certain activities or situations. But it is up to us, as adults and especially as parents, to help them find appropriate ways to express their inner conflicts and fulfil their desires. So that, somewhere, they too can let off some steam and discover their true selves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Young teenagers are still young enough to express their inner feelings through games, made-up stories or art. However, they are now too old to play in the same way as younger children. During play, some kind of projection of their inner desires emerges. Something that preoccupies the child. It is important that, as adults, we allow space for this. The more we provide a suitable environment for self-expression, the less we need to fear that, hidden from our view, they might stray onto extreme paths. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Suggestion Box<\/h3>\n\n\n\n