{"id":5302,"date":"2026-07-06T22:25:12","date_gmt":"2026-07-06T20:25:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/?p=5302"},"modified":"2026-07-06T22:25:12","modified_gmt":"2026-07-06T20:25:12","slug":"csaladi-tortenetek","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/csaladi-tortenetek\/","title":{"rendered":"Family stories make life more meaningful"},"content":{"rendered":"

Research shows that the more stories a child knows about their ancestors, the more resilient they can become in the face of the difficulties and trials of their own life. Sharing stories deepens the bond with parents, boosts self-esteem and prepares children for real life.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

For children, the family is the primary setting in which they come to understand themselves and the world around them. Their self-image is shaped by the feelings and behaviour of family members towards them. The the world view of parents and grandparents<\/a>, and their value system will be closely linked to the meaning the children will attribute to life\u2019s events when they reach adulthood. The bond between family members is therefore closer and more meaningful than we might think. It is not merely kindness, care or strictness that we pass on during the time we spend together. Our behaviour and feelings hold within them past stories, lessons, experiences of failure and successes, which \u2013 even unconsciously \u2013 can become part of our children\u2019s own stories. Whether these have a positive or negative impact on their development and adult lives depends on how we experience these stories ourselves \u2013 whether spoken or unspoken. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Inherited scars<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

<\/span> A growing body of research shows that we preserve the memories of our ancestors\u2019 life events and the subjective lessons we have learnt from them at a cellular level. We are not aware of them, yet we live our lives according to them and pass them on to future generations. But how are we able to pass on such life-long lessons to our children when we ourselves are not truly aware of them? No\u00e9mi Orvos-T\u00f3th An Inherited Fate<\/a> His book, *[Title]*, explores the subject in depth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Children \u2013 the younger they are, the more so \u2013 are sensitive to the feelings and atmospheres around them. They are able to perceive, interpret and store at a cellular level stimuli that we, in our right minds, might not even be able to comprehend. These are things which, although we convey them, we have not even articulated to ourselves. We do not need to talk to our child about a previous traumatic experience (such as a miscarriage) for them to know what we are going through. We convey this through our emotions loss,<\/i> as well as what lessons we can learn from it. For example, this could be: Life is cruel because it robs us of our desires<\/i>. Anyone who grows up with such an early, learned truth about life imprinted on their memory may find that, throughout their life, every desire that is fulfilled fills them with anxiety rather than happiness. Perhaps completely incomprehensibly to them, they fear in advance that they will lose what is important to them. If they are unaware of the story, they will not know how to make sense of this feeling, and perhaps precisely so it can be with you throughout your whole life<\/a>, and perhaps even the lives of his own children. But what would change if we were to tell his story?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Family secrets<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Many of us believe that keeping certain stories to ourselves may be beneficial for our children\u2019s lives. Perhaps we want to protect them from pain, fear, the judgement of others or shame. It may also be that we are trying to protect ourselves by keeping secrets. We may believe that if we do not think about what happened and do not talk about it, we will forget it sooner and move on as if nothing had happened. However well-intentioned we may be, these approaches can have a negative impact on our relationship with our children, and on their adult lives too. We want to protect both our children and ourselves from these feelings, but suppressed emotions do not simply disappear. We feel them too, and our children certainly do. This means that only the cause of the emotion \u2013 that is, the story itself \u2013 has been kept from our children, and this confuses them. They sense what we are going through, but it remains unclear to them what triggered it all. Keeping secrets from our children and avoiding the subject is, for them, as if we would reject them<\/a>. The feeling of rejection leads to guilt and shame, which will affect both the child\u2019s personality development and their social relationships. Not to mention that secrets are bound to come out sooner or later anyway. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The power of family stories<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Who would have thought that knowing about our ancestors\u2019 lives and stories could have such a significant impact on our own sense of reality? Yet research shows that the more we know about our ancestors\u2019 lives \u2013 their oft-told stories, their hardships, their friends and their living conditions \u2013 the more balanced we can become in the face of the trials of our own lives. American psychologist Marshall Duke conducted a study in 2001 research<\/a> The study examined the potential benefits of children knowing their family history. Its findings showed that the more details a child knows about their family history, the higher their self-esteem. One reason for this is the sense of belonging that these stories reinforce. Children who are aware of the background to their lives also feel a greater sense of control over their own lives, which is essential for psychological well-being. These children do not simply go with the flow; they believe they have control over their own lives and that they are capable of overcoming the challenges that lie ahead. They have a better understanding of and acceptance of not only their strengths but also their weaknesses, whilst being much more understanding towards others. At a family level, shared, deep and honest conversations about the past, and stories of days gone by, help the family to function more harmoniously, enable them to tackle difficulties together, and also make the resolution of internal conflicts more effective.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Spontaneous, requested, repeated<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The researchers also realised that it is not the factual information about the family in itself that is significant, but rather the process of acquiring that knowledge. These stories are recounted on several occasions, and in a relatively spontaneous manner. The family atmosphere and a welcoming, intimate environment are essential to this. These recollections may arise during an outing, a meal, or even a spontaneous game. We are all familiar with stories<\/a> about our family, which keep cropping up time and again in someone\u2019s memories, which in turn give rise to the next one. It can be entertaining, moving, thought-provoking, or even tragic. For children, what matters is not that we cram them full of information we consider important, but rather that we are open. Open, on the one hand, to sharing with them what we are currently experiencing, and on the other, to being open to their questions. Of course, when telling a story, we must take our child\u2019s age into account so that we can choose the right language and decide how deeply to explore the topic. However, the emphasis must be on honesty, openness and spontaneity. The fewer taboo topics there are, the more balanced their personality development will be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A tip on honesty<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Amongst the many entertaining, interesting and instructive stories, there are, of course, some that require a more mature way of thinking. There are stories that are still difficult for younger children to process. However, simply avoiding the subject is not the answer in these cases either. It is important to be honest with children, precisely because they are already aware of our emotions. We always have the opportunity to translate the stories into language they can understand. We can simplify and lighten the stories, making the events more playful and easier for them to understand, whilst still remaining honest. These stories also give children strength, as they teach them about life. Through them, they learn that everyone can make mistakes, and everyone is capable of starting afresh. Our storytelling helps them to become optimistic, creative and resilient. It is through our family stories that they come to know themselves<\/a> and us. Their families, traditions and experiences, which, like a basket of provisions, help them on their journey out into the wider world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Originally published on: divany.hu, 29 May 2020.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Kutat\u00e1sok bizony\u00edtj\u00e1k, hogy min\u00e9l t\u00f6bb t\u00f6rt\u00e9netet ismer egy gyerek a felmen\u0151ir\u0151l, ann\u00e1l ellen\u00e1ll\u00f3bb\u00e1 v\u00e1lhat a saj\u00e1t \u00e9lete neh\u00e9zs\u00e9geivel, megpr\u00f3b\u00e1ltat\u00e1saival szemben. A k\u00f6z\u00f6s mes\u00e9l\u00e9sek m\u00e9ly\u00edtik a sz\u00fcl\u0151kkel val\u00f3 kapcsolatot, er\u0151s\u00edtik az \u00f6nbecs\u00fcl\u00e9st, \u00e9s felk\u00e9sz\u00edtenek a val\u00f3 \u00e9letre. A gyerekek sz\u00e1m\u00e1ra a csal\u00e1d az els\u0151dleges sz\u00edntere \u00f6nmaguk \u00e9s az \u0151ket k\u00f6r\u00fclvev\u0151 vil\u00e1g megismer\u00e9s\u00e9nek. \u00c9nk\u00e9p\u00fck a csal\u00e1dtagok fel\u00e9j\u00fck […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5303,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[209],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5302","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-divany"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5302","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5302"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5302\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5305,"href":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5302\/revisions\/5305"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5303"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5302"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5302"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5302"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}