{"id":5420,"date":"2026-07-06T22:26:56","date_gmt":"2026-07-06T20:26:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/?p=5420"},"modified":"2026-07-06T22:26:56","modified_gmt":"2026-07-06T20:26:56","slug":"hiszti-szofogadatlansag-otthon","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/hiszti-szofogadatlansag-otthon\/","title":{"rendered":"Is your child only throwing tantrums and being disobedient at home? That might actually be a good thing!"},"content":{"rendered":"

It can often seem as though our children only show their \u201etrue\u201d colours to us. Elsewhere, they are calm, obedient and cooperative, whilst with us they are disobedient, throw tantrums and are inexplicably fussy. Although it\u2019s easy to believe that this behaviour is directed against us personally, in reality it may actually be a sign of the trust they place in us.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Have you ever noticed that your child really lets their inner little devil run wild at home? When relatives, friends and even teachers are absolutely gushing about what a lovely child fate has blessed us with, and we think, \u2018Of course they do, because these people don\u2019t know our child.\u2019 They don\u2019t know the side of them that screams at the top of their lungs at home because we\u2019ve brought out a glass of the wrong colour, or when they pull a devilish face and outwit us wherever they can, not to mention when he causes us pain \u2013 or at the very least annoyance \u2013 whilst laughing loudly, despite our sympathetic efforts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We may well be aware that early childhood is full of bumpy and challenging developmental stages, yet the question still arises: Is this normal, or am I doing something wrong? Given the limited means of communication, this can certainly be a real headache, and it requires constant self-reflection to clarify whether the child\u2019s behaviour is currently independent of us \u2013 in which case we simply need to show empathy \u2013 or whether it is actually sending a message about the appropriateness of our own attitude. This is where we \u2013 the parents \u2013 need to be wise!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, according to the general view of experts \u2013 although our concerns are understandable \u2013 the reverse of this phenomenon would be a greater problem, that is, when a child displays worrying behaviour in an unfamiliar (non-domestic) setting, whilst showing no signs of it at home. After all, most of us tend to lose our temper first in places where we feel safe. Children are no different. And if this our home<\/a>, that might not be such a bad sign after all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Children are exposed to a huge number of stimuli throughout the day, something we as parents can easily forget. They are learning about the world around them at a tremendous pace, and this can be overwhelming and exhausting. Just as a bucket fills with water, information and experiences keep piling up in children\u2019s minds, and ideally they don\u2019t overflow too soon. A child listens, concentrates, obeys and \u201ebehaves\u201d in their own way until they find themselves in a calm and safe environment where they can finally process all the stimuli they have encountered during the day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is primarily their home that provides them with this environment. Ideally, this is where they feel the greatest sense of predictability and that unconditional acceptance which allows them to express even their negative emotions without jeopardising their relationship with the adult. It is here that they are best able to let their guard down and relax, and that is precisely why to lose one\u2019s temper<\/a> too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But it\u2019s also often the case that the bucket keeps filling up at home. It doesn\u2019t necessarily take more than one more drop to make it overflow \u2013 which, to stick with the example above, might just be choosing a glass. We may well experience something similar ourselves. When we\u2019ve had to behave ourselves all day at the office, in the shopping centre, or whilst travelling, we\u2019re generally not as patient once we get home, as we too get tired and feel safe amongst our loved ones. All this therefore suggests that children who occasionally (or frequently) show their true colours at home, whilst being model children elsewhere, actually have a very healthy, trusting relationship with their parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Can we help ease tantrums at home?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

<\/span> Of course, the scientific explanation for this behaviour does not necessarily alleviate the inner tension caused by these tantrums. It is not just the child who is tired by the time they get home from nursery, pre-school or other childcare, but we are too. We don\u2019t really want to behave like that either; we can\u2019t manage to stay so patient and open-minded, so naturally we can\u2019t defuse the tantrum either. Instead, we become even more irritable, as we try to work out where the problem lies and who is to blame at that moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

However, knowing one of the most common causes of this sort of tantrum at home can actually be reassuring, as \u2013 if the situation described is indeed the case \u2013 it means that nobody has done anything wrong. It\u2019s not that our child hates us, nor is it that they\u2019re insatiable or impossible, and certainly not because of that wretched blue cup.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The point is, there\u2019s a lot. Everything. And simply understanding this can help the situation in itself: we\u2019ll be less likely to take the child\u2019s tantrum personally, so we\u2019ll react less dismissively, and as a result, our child will be less likely to get worked up into an emotional outburst. That\u2019s how much of a difference it makes simply to expand our knowledge. Of course, there will still be tantrums \u2013 that\u2019s inevitable, as they\u2019re an inherent part of early childhood (and sometimes adulthood). And although there is now a wealth of literature on the appropriate and effective management of disobedience and tantrums, there will be times when, despite this, we do not resort to the right approach. We can admit that this happens to us too. We can talk<\/a> We can talk to each other about the tantrum, or we can simply let it go if we think that\u2019s the best course of action at that moment. But let\u2019s be honest, because that\u2019s what gives the child a sense of security.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Children who are familiar with the rules in other settings \u2013 and who, for the most part, do follow them \u2013 communicate well and cooperate, yet still lose their temper at home; of them, one might say, \u201ethey certainly practise properly\u201d. They pay attention, think things through, socialise, exercise self-control, and then, under our protection at home, they finally they get tired<\/a>. This is an acknowledgement \u2013 perhaps difficult to accept at first, but \u2013 one which, as time goes on and the child develops, will become increasingly acceptable, more evident and more rewarding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Originally published on: divany.hu, 30 April 2021.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sokszor \u00fagy t\u0171nhet, hogy a gyerekeink csak nek\u00fcnk mutatj\u00e1k meg az \u201eigazi\u201d arcukat. M\u00e1shol nyugodtak, sz\u00f3fogad\u00f3k, egy\u00fcttm\u0171k\u00f6d\u0151k, m\u00edg vel\u00fcnk engedetlenek, hisztisek \u00e9s \u00e9rthetetlen\u00fcl ny\u0171g\u00f6sek. Hab\u00e1r k\u00f6nnyen hihetj\u00fck, hogy ez a magatart\u00e1s a mi szem\u00e9ly\u00fcnk ellen sz\u00f3l, val\u00f3j\u00e1ban lehet, hogy \u00e9ppen a bel\u00e9nk vetett bizalomr\u00f3l \u00e1rulkodik. Tapasztaltad m\u00e1r, hogy a gyereked igaz\u00e1n otthon ereszti szabadj\u00e1ra a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5421,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[209],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5420","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-divany"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5420","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5420"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5420\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5423,"href":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5420\/revisions\/5423"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5421"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5420"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5420"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5420"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}