{"id":5471,"date":"2026-07-06T22:27:42","date_gmt":"2026-07-06T20:27:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/?p=5471"},"modified":"2026-07-06T22:27:42","modified_gmt":"2026-07-06T20:27:42","slug":"hiszti-kezelese","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/hiszti-kezelese\/","title":{"rendered":"Dealing effectively with a tantrum: don\u2019t try to solve the problem, but try to understand it!"},"content":{"rendered":"

As adults, dealing effectively with the Dackorszak and the tantrums that go with them is certainly no easy task, especially if we don\u2019t know exactly what is going on inside the child and how best to resolve the situation. Before looking at specific discipline tips, we must first and foremost understand that in most situations, we don\u2019t need to \u2018solve\u2019 the child\u2019s tantrum, but simply understand and accept it!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Around the age of one and a half, children\u2019s will begins to develop \u2013 or rather, to grow stronger \u2013 in a way that is quite striking to us. It is at this stage that it becomes increasingly common for them to ignore our requests, to say \u2018no\u2019 even when they actually mean \u2018yes\u2019, and to fly into a fit of incomprehensible rage as soon as something does not go their way. As adults, dealing with these situations appropriately is certainly not easy, especially if we do not know exactly what is going on inside the child and how best to resolve the situation.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A young child\u2019s tantrum or defiance usually seems senseless, illogical and pointless from an adult\u2019s perspective. Often we don\u2019t even understand what triggered it, let alone what causes its intensity, so it\u2019s no wonder that we, too, react to it in the wrong way \u2013 that is, ineffectively. It makes us feel tense because we don\u2019t understand it, and so we can\u2019t resolve the problem. We feel helpless, like bad parents, and we may even find it downright embarrassing when the scene unfolds in a public place. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The question may immediately spring to mind as to where we should draw the line. When should we give in and adapt (to protect the child\u2019s emotional well-being), and when should we stand firm on our expectations, even in the face of tantrums? There is no clear-cut answer to these questions, as they depend very much on the circumstances. Above all, however, we need to understand that in most situations, we don\u2019t need to \u2018solve\u2019 the child\u2019s tantrum, but simply understand and accept it! Because that alone can resolve the situation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Young children\u2019s behaviour is driven by emotions that are unfamiliar to them<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

<\/span> In early childhood, emotions intensify alongside the will. Children are able to experience an ever-increasing range of emotions with ever-greater intensity, over which they do not yet have any real control. This is because the part of the brain responsible for rational thinking \u2013 that is, the part that analyses, decodes, weighs up and, not least, regulates \u2013 is not yet mature enough for this task. All this means that children themselves do not understand what the feelings overwhelming them are, why a particular situation triggers them, and why they result in the behaviour they do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

It may be difficult to imagine and believe as an adult, but children aren\u2019t really in full control of the situation during these tantrum-filled moments. They do not know the answers to these questions, as they have neither the knowledge nor the experience to understand how these human processes work, so they cannot be expected to \u201ebehave\u201d. They are vulnerable and helpless in the face of their emotions, and any negative reactions from their parents can only make their inner frustration worse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We do not mean to suggest that we should not point out to our children when they have done something wrong, or that we should never force them into situations with which they disagree, even if these are necessary. Sometimes they have to get ready to go out, have their hair washed, or simply can\u2019t have any more chocolate or demand to buy more toys. Situations like these will arise, just as tantrums do. However, the best way to support our children (and thus reduce the frequency of these outbursts) is not by trying to solve their problems for them, but by helping them to actually recognise, understand and accept them. After all, the better they understand what is happening within themselves, the less frightening the experience will be \u2013 and thus the less paralysing, i.e. uncontrollable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Be the Hungarian voice of your child\u2019s rational mind!<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

<\/span> Our true role as parents, therefore, is not necessarily to solve the child\u2019s problem immediately \u2013 whether by indulging them or through excessive discipline \u2013 but rather to take over, or temporarily substitute for, the functions of their rational brain. We could also say that we are bringing to the fore those internal processes which the child\u2019s brain will only be able to carry out independently and automatically at a later stage, as their development progresses.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019ll tell him that: I can see you\u2019re disappointed and angry right now because you can\u2019t have that chocolate!; You were expecting Mum to wake you up, and now you\u2019re not happy to see the babysitter!; You wanted to have one more go on the slide, even though you knew we had to leave now!<\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

On the one hand, these statements help the child understand what they are feeling and what they are going through emotionally; on the other hand, they reassure them that we see, hear and understand them. Acceptance from parents has a calming effect in itself, so it can shorten the duration and\/or reduce the intensity of a tantrum. It\u2019s an added bonus that, if we understand everything the child is going through, we too can remain more balanced, more confident and, as a result, more reassuring. This doesn\u2019t solve the problem, and we don\u2019t give in, but these situations become understandable to the child and, as a result, increasingly predictable. They\u2019ll sense that we\u2019re paying attention to them and accepting them, and through us, they\u2019ll also know what\u2019s happening, so that in time they\u2019ll be able to express how they feel themselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/span> This way of looking at tantrums is new to many people. Most of us were taught by our parents that problems need to be solved. When someone is sad, they need to be comforted; when they lose control, they need to be reined in. There was no mention of emotions, so that isn\u2019t what springs to mind for us either at first. If we think about it more carefully, however, we\u2019ve all experienced for ourselves just how irritating it is when, in a difficult situation, someone immediately bombards us with advice and opinions instead of simply showing understanding. Our children experience these situations in a similar way, with the added difficulty that they have even fewer tools for recognising their feelings or expressing them. However, if we provide them with a partner and a role model in these situations from their earliest years, we also support the healthy development of their brains, so that one day the rational part of the brain will be able to take control of the emotional situations<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Originally published on: divany.hu, 19 August 2021.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Feln\u0151ttk\u00e9nt helyesen kezelni a dackorszakot \u00e9s a vele j\u00e1r\u00f3 hisztis szitu\u00e1ci\u00f3kat bizony nem egyszer\u0171, k\u00fcl\u00f6n\u00f6sen, ha nem tudjuk, hogy pontosan mi is zajlik le a gyerekben, \u00e9s azt hogyan lehetne a leghat\u00e9konyabban oldani. Konkr\u00e9t fegyelmez\u00e9si tippek el\u0151tt els\u0151sorban azt kell meg\u00e9rten\u00fcnk, hogy a legt\u00f6bb helyzetben nem megoldanunk kell a gyerek hisztij\u00e9t, hanem csak meg\u00e9rten\u00fcnk \u00e9s […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5472,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[209],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5471","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-divany"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5471","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5471"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5471\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5475,"href":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5471\/revisions\/5475"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5472"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5471"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5471"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5471"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}