Up to what age is it okay for a child to wet themselves?

Daytime wetting and bedwetting can still occur frequently, even during school years. However, there is no particular cause for alarm, as although it may take some time, the problem usually resolves itself. Nevertheless, it may still be worth consulting a specialist, not only to address the symptoms but also to provide emotional support for the child.

Toilet training is the result of a longer and more complex process of development. Physically, children become capable of this kind of self-control at around the age of two; however, this factor alone is not sufficient to ensure a smooth transition. Acquiring this skill requires not only physical factors but also intellectual development and emotional security, neither of which can be rushed.

Wetting oneself is a very sensitive issue, and children are well aware of this. From almost the very beginning, they’re under a lot of pressure; they feel ashamed when an accident happens, and they can very easily develop a kind of mental block that later prevents them from passing urine, or causes them to do so at the wrong time. 

Learning to use the toilet is a process which, even under the best circumstances, can involve setbacks of varying lengths. It may not be widely known, but wetting oneself during the day and bedwetting are not actually considered particularly unusual, even amongst pre-schoolers and young primary school children. Even so, as parents, it can be quite distressing when this situation persists for weeks or even years, when we ourselves would have long since moved on. It is understandable if we are overcome by the despairing thought that we have done something wrong. That is why it is important to be aware of how long it is normal for our child to wet themselves, and what we can actually do to provide a supportive environment.

Emotions and control

One key point to bear in mind about toilet training is that it is closely linked to a child’s emotional security. For the process to run smoothly and in a controlled manner, the child needs calm, a kind of inward focus, and relaxed concentration. If stimuli from the outside world prevent this, they will not be able to relax sufficiently. Consequently, whether they eventually succeed or not, going to the toilet may become a chore rather than a pleasant experience of achievement.

Of course, we shouldn’t imagine that our two-, three- or four-year-old will use meditation to prepare for using the toilet, as they will still want to be engrossed in play or running about, sometimes paying no heed to their bodily needs. Our aim, however, is for the child to become familiar with their own body, its limits and how to control it, and for this they need their own experiences. Fewer instructions, less shaming, and more playful conversation, as well as the parent’s sincere trust. We are our children’s primary reference group; in other words, our feedback forms the basis of their self-esteem. Every change (moving house, changing schools, conflict at home) and every expression of parental rejection creates uncertainty, which leads to anxiety – in other words, it creates an emotional barrier. Daytime and night-time wetting therefore require practice and emotional security, and sometimes both take time.

Physical causes

We must also bear in mind that every child develops at their own pace, so the timing of physical maturity can vary considerably. Daytime wetting, for example, is often caused by the bladder suddenly filling up (due to its size), whilst night-time wetting is caused by the production of too much urine, which the child is not yet able to hold in. These are not disorders, but simply developments occurring at an individual’s own pace, which only the child can experience and, in time, manage appropriately.

It is also possible that some form of blockage is causing the problem; this is usually due to psychological factors, though physical impediments cannot be ruled out either. It is worth considering all these possibilities, on the one hand because the more aware we are of the potential causes, the more balanced and calm we can be in dealing with the situation, and, on the other hand, armed with this information, we will know when and why it is worth seeking the advice of a specialist if we become uncertain.

They’ll grow out of it in time, but it never hurts to get a second opinion

The good news is that there’s no need to worry about bedwetting, as it’s an extremely common occurrence in childhood and can always be managed. It usually resolves itself and rarely requires serious intervention, although it can sometimes persist into the teenage years. According to statistics on bedwetting, 13 per cent of 6-year-olds, a certain percentage of 7-year-olds, and even 5 per cent of 10-year-olds struggle with this issue.

According to experts, it is advisable to seek help from the age of 6, but this is mainly to ensure the child is ready and to provide them with emotional support. In early childhood (0–5 years), even in the best-case scenario, it does not cause any particular social outrage if a child wets themselves (it is not even considered a medical condition), however, it can lead to many embarrassing situations, which may be humiliating for the child.

Having an accident can be unpleasant not only at home, but also at school or amongst friends, and worrying about this can easily lead to a child feeling isolated. From the age of six, therefore, one or two simple medical examinations are recommended, not only to treat the symptoms but also to reassure both the child and ourselves. After all, emotional security (trust, self-confidence and acceptance) is the foundation of a well-regulated and smooth for release It is, in fact, essential. In most cases, finding a solution is simply a matter of time.

Originally published on: divany.hu, 10 July 2021.