If you understand your child’s temperament, you’ll be able to manage their tantrums more effectively

What upsets people can vary greatly. And yet, there are certain characteristics typical of different temperaments that are worth knowing in order to manage them effectively. Especially as a parent and a teacher!

Children’s personalities develop gradually. There are traits and characteristics that are fundamentally shaped by our environment, but there are also those that are with us from the moment we are born. It is the combination of these traits that determines our temperament: what our basic nature is like, how we react to different situations, and what our relationship is like with ourselves and our environment.

An understanding of theories of temperament can serve as a guide that helps us not only to understand ourselves, but also to understand the behaviour and conduct of our children and fellow human beings. It enables us to see the other person’s inner world as clearly as possible, thereby making it possible to recognise the potential for conflict situations to arise, which we can then manage more effectively based on our knowledge. Just think how much it can help (regardless of age group) if we know what might trigger a tantrum in our child, and what we can do to calm things down as quickly as possible?

What upsets different people can vary greatly; nevertheless, there are certain characteristics associated with temperament that are particularly worth being aware of, especially as a parent or teacher. The most widely accepted theory of temperament distinguishes between four categories: choleric, phlegmatic, sanguine and melancholic – but, for the reader’s convenience, we shall identify the various temperaments and their relationship to anger using the concept of the four earthly elements employed by the ancient Greek philosopher Galen.

#1 Fire Child (choleric)

It’s perhaps not so difficult to picture a child with a fiery temperament. Generally speaking, even their appearance is quite charismatic and full of character. They always get straight to the point, love to take the lead, but dislike restrictions. They essentially live in the present, where they are extremely active and intense. They have a strong sense of justice, but their memory (due to their focus on the present moment) isn’t the best, so they often find themselves in disagreements. They are constantly ready for a fight. At the same time, they are very sociable and have huge hearts; it’s just that they take things to heart very easily. Consequently, their anger flares up suddenly and, due to their fiery nature, quite frequently too.

The good news, however, is that just as suddenly as they flare up, they can calm down just as quickly if handled properly. Never react immediately to a fiery child’s outburst, as they lack the capacity for self-reflection at such times. You need to give them time and avoid confronting them in public if you want them to become calm and cooperative as soon as possible. Fire types need a confident adult who does not take their sudden outbursts personally, and even if they do retaliate, they cool down just as easily as the Fire types themselves.

#2 Water Child (phlegmatic)

Water children are characterised by their easy-going nature. Teachers generally like them too, as they don’t cause much trouble: they aren’t particularly showy, they’re quiet, cheerful, and usually do what’s expected of them. They do not have a strong interest in activities and are perfectly capable of being bored, yet they are sociable. Their inner harmony is provided by stability and predictability; in the absence of these, however, they can unleash their anger on those around them like a tsunami. If a Water child has imagined sitting in a corner to read when they get home, only to find a family dinner waiting for them instead, they are likely to lose their temper. They have an exceptionally good memory and stubbornly make use of it, sometimes even to their own detriment (they feel compelled to stick to even the most thoughtless words they’ve spoken).

Once the anger of Water children erupts, it can cause great damage, which in turn breaks them down. That is precisely why the most effective way to manage conflicts with them is through prevention and rebuilding. Preparing them for change can spare them unnecessary frustration, though of course this is not always an option. Calming their outbursts requires connection: empathy and the joint rebuilding of physical and emotional predictability. In this way, over time, they learn not only to understand themselves, but also to moderate their instinctive, yet not particularly effective, reactions.

#3 Wind Child (sanguine)

A light-hearted, cheerful chatterbox. The boisterous kids are quite flitsers, they’re interested in everything, but find it hard to commit for any length of time, so seeing things through isn’t exactly their strong point. They can’t exactly be described as rule-followers either, although they don’t deliberately set out to defy expectations; rather, they’re simply unable to grasp the essence of them. They make excuses and apologise when confronted with their misdeeds, only to commit them again and again without any malicious intent. Their strengths lie in their artistic sensibility and their incredibly persuasive communication skills. They are, essentially, masters of spin, which is why they most often fly into a rage when their attempts at spin fail.

They do not take it well when they have to face the consequences of their actions; as a defence mechanism, they therefore tend to accuse, blame and make negative judgements about the other party. To prevent conflicts, it is worth clarifying the expected consequences with them in advance, and, given their tendency to lose focus, occasionally serving as a reminder. The love of others is very important to them, so ensuring this – alongside adherence to the rules – helps them greatly in consciously managing themselves.

#4 Earth Child (melancholic)

The final category comprises those children (and adults) who seem rather down-to-earth. They feel close to nature and are extremely good at analysing situations (what might happen, what could have been done better); at the same time, however, the weight of their realistic worldview also weighs heavily on their spirits. They are incredibly sensitive to the slightest shifts in their surroundings, which is precisely why they are also quite adept at reading their fellow human beings. It is no coincidence that they make excellent material for comedians.

They behave a bit as if the world were constantly hurting them, and as a result, they’re easily offended. It’s easy to hurt their feelings, and woe betide anyone who does, because no one knows the „enemy’s” weak spots better than they do, or can target them more accurately. The only thing that helps in the face of their anger is empathy. Recognising and accepting their feelings, and valuing their perspective, can ease the tension. They need to experience these negative emotions. And when they feel seen and heard, life blossoms around them.

Originally published on: divany.hu, 25 May 2021.